When someone you love dies, the first hours can feel like a blur. You may be in shock, surrounded by family, or alone in a quiet room trying to decide who to call. This guide walks you through what to do when someone dies, step by step, so you know what needs to happen right away and what can wait until you’ve had time to breathe.
You don’t have to do everything today. Very little has to happen in the first few hours, and a funeral home can take on most of the work once you call.
The first thing to do when someone dies
The first steps depend on where the death happened and whether it was expected. In every case, the goal of the first hour is simple: get a legal pronouncement of death and make sure your loved one is cared for with dignity.
- If the death happened in a hospital or nursing home, the staff will confirm the death, contact the doctor and ask which funeral home you’d like to use. You can take time to sit with your loved one before anything else happens.
- If your loved one was under hospice care, call the hospice nurse first. Hospice has a plan for this moment.
- If someone dies at home and the death was unexpected, call 911.
If the death was expected and hospice care was in place
When a person dies at home under a hospice program, the death is considered an expected death. Don’t call 911. Call the hospice organization’s 24-hour number instead. A hospice nurse will come to the home, confirm the death and handle the legal pronouncement. The nurse can also contact the doctor, dispose of medications safely and help you call the funeral home.
There is no rush. Many families spend an hour or more with their loved one before the funeral director arrives. You can sit together, say a prayer, call close friends or other relatives, or simply be present. The hospice team can stay with you while you do.
If someone dies at home unexpectedly
An unexpected death is one that happens suddenly, without a long illness or hospice care in place. If you find a person who has died at home and there was no hospice program, call 911 right away. Emergency responders will come to the home, and police may come as well. This is routine and doesn’t mean anyone has done anything wrong.
Because the cause of death isn’t yet known, the medical examiner may need to review the death before your loved one can be released to a funeral home. Try not to move the body or disturb the room until responders arrive. Once the medical examiner releases your loved one, you can choose a funeral home.
If the death happened in a hospital or nursing home
Hospital and nursing home staff handle the legal pronouncement. They’ll ask for the name of the funeral home you’d like to use. If you haven’t chosen one, it’s fine to tell them you need a little time. They’ll keep your loved one in their care while you decide, usually for a few hours.
Who to call when someone dies at home
Once the death has been pronounced, here is who to call, in this order:
- Hospice, 911 or the doctor, depending on whether the death was expected.
- A funeral home. The funeral director will arrange transportation and bring your loved one into their care, any hour of the day or night.
- Immediate family. Call the people closest to the deceased person before word spreads another way.
- Close friends and other relatives. You can ask one or two people to help you make these calls.
- The deceased’s employer, if they were still working, and anyone who depended on them for care, such as a dependent adult or pets.
If you’re in the Oklahoma City area, you can read our guide on what to do when a death occurs or call our team at (405) 443-8085, day or night. We’ll explain what happens next.
What happens in the first few hours
When the funeral director arrives, they’ll talk with you briefly, answer questions, and then gently bring your loved one into their care. They’ll ask a few questions, such as whether your loved one had wishes for burial or cremation, but nothing has to be decided on the spot.
Some things families often do in the first few hours:
- Spend time with the person who died, if they wish.
- Gather personal possessions, such as jewelry, glasses or a wedding ring, that you’d like to keep.
- Look for any written funeral wishes or a prepaid plan for final arrangements.
- Decide who will take the lead on funeral arrangements, so one person can speak with the funeral home.
- Secure the home, lock the doors and arrange care for pets if the person lived alone. Pets can feel confused after their owner dies, so a trusted friend or relative who knows them can be a comfort. Check the will for any pet care wishes before finding a new home.
If your loved one wanted body donation to medical science, tell the hospice nurse or funeral director right away. Whole body donation programs have time limits and requirements, and the sooner they know, the better.
Making funeral arrangements
Within a day or two, you’ll meet with the funeral home, in person, by phone or online, to plan the next steps. This is when you’ll decide between burial and cremation, whether to hold a visitation, a funeral or a memorial service, and how you’d like to honor your loved one.
Under the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule, the funeral home must give you an itemized General Price List. You can choose only the services you want. If the person belonged to a church, a veterans group or another organization, ask whether they offer support or burial benefits.
Some families want a proper funeral with every tradition. Others prefer something simpler, such as direct cremation followed by a memorial service when family can travel. Either choice is a loving one. If you’d like to have cremated remains placed in an urn or scattered later, you have time to decide.
You’ll also be asked about an obituary. The funeral home can help you write it and have the obituary published online and in a newspaper if you wish.
The death certificate and certified copies
The death certificate is the most important document you’ll need. The doctor or medical examiner signs it to confirm the cause of death, and the funeral director files it with the state. In Oklahoma, this is handled through the State Department of Health.
Order several certified copies. Banks, insurance companies and government agencies usually want an original certified copy, not a photocopy. Many families need between five and 20, depending on how many accounts and policies there are. You’ll use them to claim life insurance policies, close bank accounts, transfer a vehicle title at the department of motor vehicles, and settle the estate. Your funeral director can order certified copies for you when you make arrangements.
The first week: who else to notify
After the funeral arrangements are underway, you can begin the practical work of notifying government agencies and businesses. None of this has to happen in the first few hours, but most of it should happen in the first week or two.
Social Security and survivor benefits
Contact the Social Security Administration to report the death within a few days. In most cases, the funeral home reports it for you, but you’ll still need to call if your loved one was receiving Social Security benefits. Payments for the month of death may need to be returned.
A surviving spouse or eligible child may qualify for a one-time $255 death payment and monthly survivor benefits. Have the deceased person’s Social Security number ready when you call. You can learn more in our guide to death benefits.
Banks, financial institutions and insurance policies
Contact financial institutions where your loved one had bank accounts, retirement accounts or investments. If you shared a joint account, it usually stays open for the surviving owner. Accounts in the deceased’s name alone are typically frozen until the executor has legal authority to act.
Call each life insurance company to start claims, and look for any insurance policies through the deceased’s employer. Ask the employer’s human resources office about final pay, unused vacation, retirement accounts and group life insurance.
Credit card companies and identity theft
Notify credit card companies and close the accounts. Most will ask for a copy of the death certificate. To help prevent identity theft, contact one of the three credit agencies and ask that a deceased alert be placed on your loved one’s credit report. It’s a quick step that protects the estate.
Other accounts to close or update
- Post office: forward mail to the executor so bills and important papers don’t go missing.
- Motor vehicles: cancel the driver’s license and update vehicle registration.
- Utilities, subscriptions and phone service: cancel or transfer them.
- Social media and email: close email accounts, which helps prevent identity theft, and delete or memorialize social media. Facebook, for example, lets family request a memorial account. Each provider has its own policy, and most ask for a death certificate.
- Voter registration: notify the county election board.
A simple way to share the news with a wide circle is a mass email or a social media post once immediate family has been told.
Important papers to gather
As soon as you’re able, find the important papers you’ll need in the weeks ahead. Look for:
- The will, trust documents and the name of the executor
- Insurance policies and recent statements from bank accounts and retirement accounts
- Deeds, vehicle titles and loan documents
- Recent tax returns
- Military discharge papers (DD-214), if your loved one served
- Birth and marriage certificates and the Social Security number
If there’s a will, the executor will usually file it with the probate court. Probate is the legal process of carrying out a will and settling the estate, and the executor is often asked to file an inventory of assets with the court. If there’s no will, a family member may need letters of administration from the court before they can settle the person’s affairs. Debts are usually paid from the estate, not by family members personally, and a final income tax return must be filed for the deceased. Not every estate needs probate. Speaking with an estate attorney can help you understand what’s required, especially when property or retirement accounts are involved.
What not to do after a loved one dies
In the rush of a loved one’s death, a few common mistakes are worth avoiding:
- Don’t call 911 for an expected death under hospice care. Call the hospice nurse instead.
- Don’t feel pressure to make every decision today. Final arrangements can wait a day while family gathers.
- Don’t give away or sell personal possessions right away. The will may name who receives them.
- Don’t pay the deceased’s debts from your own money before talking with the executor or an attorney.
- Don’t leave the home empty and unlocked, especially after an obituary is published.
- Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Eat, rest and accept help when friends offer it.
Taking care of yourself and your family
Grief can show up in your body as well as your heart. Exhaustion, trouble sleeping, headaches and a short temper are all common in the first weeks after a death. Grief exhaustion often eases with time, though there’s no set schedule.
Lean on family members and close friends. Let someone bring a meal, answer the phone or pick up relatives from the airport. If the death of a loved one has left you struggling, reach out for grief support. If you ever need someone to talk to right away, you can call or text 988 at any hour.
Frequently asked questions
What is the first thing to do when someone dies?
Get a legal pronouncement of death. If your loved one was under hospice care, call the hospice nurse. If someone dies at home unexpectedly, call 911. If the person died in a hospital or nursing home, the staff will handle the pronouncement.
Who is the first person to call when someone dies at home?
For an expected death with hospice in place, call the hospice organization. For an unexpected death, call 911. After that, call a funeral home and then immediate family.
How long can a body stay at home after death?
When death is expected and hospice care is in place, families often spend an hour or more with their loved one before the funeral director arrives. There’s no need to rush. A funeral home can come whenever you’re ready, day or night.
What happens in the first few hours after death?
The death is pronounced, the family is notified, and the funeral home brings the person into their care. Funeral arrangements, the obituary and paperwork usually begin the next day.
We’re here when you need us
If your family is facing a loss in Oklahoma City or nearby, call Alternatives Cremation & Funeral Service at (405) 443-8085, any hour. We’ll answer your questions, come to the home, hospital or care facility, and explain each next step in plain language. You can also read what to do when a death occurs for more detail.
